


Gratitude

by NotSoHotsuin



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Cuddles, Duets, Fluff, M/M, No Angst, did i say duets, duets are the only kink we need lbr, even more duets, everyone loves shinji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-16 17:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8111488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoHotsuin/pseuds/NotSoHotsuin
Summary: All it takes is one small flame to start a huge fire. Shinji has been sharing an otherwise empty train station with another boy named Kaworu. Eventually, that boy reaches out to him, and they begin talking. How talking led to a duet and a duet led to a first kiss, well, he’s still not sure.
More confession, less depression.





	1. 1:1 Loneliness is (not) your fate.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WindupChronicle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindupChronicle/gifts).



> No one dies, there is no angst, there is no sadness, only warm touches, hugs, duets, and low self-esteem. This is a gift to my favorite Kawoshin Author on AO3; WindupChronicle. Thank you for your flawless representation of Kawoshin and for inspiring me to make my first fic for the two. The fic will be split into 3 parts. I hope to express some of my gratitude through each part. Enjoy!

The sound of cicadas swept through the otherwise quiet neighborhood. The ambiance was uncanny. Walking to school every day with no sound in the background other than the rocks crackling under his feet and the heat of the sun pouring down on exposed skin was getting awfully repetitive. Sometimes, the feeling was tolerable, but most times it seemed excruciatingly painful.  
  
In a city with so many people, how was it possible to walk down a road and still remain alone as far as the eye could see? Shinji’s Walkman usually kept him entertained during class and during the train ride back home to Misato, but other than that, everything seemed still. It could be that he was just awfully early to his classes and was therefore the only one on the road, although he doubted this to be true. Shinji lived relatively far away from his new school, and had to get up at odd hours to make the train ride to be there before 8am. Misato herself had to get up early in the morning due to her Military job, so she often shook him awake if he was still sleeping.  
  
The train rides back home, while only an hour and a half, seemed far longer than an entire day spent staring at a blackboard with numbers scribbled over it. He could say his days were all predictable and followed the same pattern, and it wouldn’t be far from the truth. There was only one thing that seemed to be off; that strange boy at the train station.  
  
Every time Shinji waited for his train to arrive, he’d notice a figure sitting to the other side of him, probably waiting for a train as well. His pale skin made him look like a ghost, and Shinji actually considered this guy to be some bizarre hallucination from the heat the first time they locked eyes. The boy never spoke to him; he’d only ever glance in Shinji’s direction once or twice with a smile on his lips before turning away. Shinji knew he wanted to ask the boy something, but he was not sure exactly of what words to use.  
  
_“Do you live around here? Do you go to any school nearby? What are your favorite subjects? Sorry… I should have probably asked for your name first.”_ No, he could never say that, although he liked imagining the scenario. He knew if he were to try and initiate conversation, it would be about something horribly generic that would definitely bore the boy to death. _“The weather is clear today,”_ Is that all? _“I like your…”_ No, a compliment would just sound creepy and forced. A psychologist by the name of Maslow made a hierarchy of essentials humans need in order to feel happy, and those criteria were painfully accurate. They had been studying psychology in school over the last couple of weeks, and the more Shinji read about all these criteria, the more he began to understand them. It helped him realize just why he never felt motivated to do extremely well on tests but settled for an average grade, or why he was so awkward when approaching other people. Despite knowing his own shortcomings quite well, he had no idea how to even begin to change such fundamental parts of his personality. Instead of changing, or striving to change, he practiced denial. It wasn’t really intentional; it was just a small string of white lies to make things seem less grim.  
  
_“It would be nice to have more friends, but I should be happy with the ones I have. I’m not even sure how I earned their friendship to begin with.”_  
  
“I prefer being alone anyways. Why bother wasting time building a friendship that won’t last?”  
  
_Why bother._

* * *

  
  
The sound of cicadas echoed again. Rocks and dust scattered at his feet. He had gotten no sleep during the night because Penpen kept making noise in the apartment. It seems Misato’s pet had gotten sick, and she’d stayed up all night to try and soothe him. She was probably sleeping during breaks at work, much like Shinji ended up sleeping during class. Teachers would scold him, but their words felt as empty as the streets he was walking down every single morning.  
  
The feeling resembled something akin to a time loop. Nothing changes, and nothing new comes along, it blurs the future. Is living in an environment like this living, or only existing?  Was there a difference to a state of living and a state of existing? Shinji wasn’t sure, and he felt like he didn’t care. That information didn’t matter. What good was it going to do him to think about how scattered his life was up until this point? At present, his life had shown some level of consistency, and that was preferred over the broken mess of a past he was stuck in up until he moved in with Misato. It took some time to get used to Misato, but she had become a very close friend under a short amount of time. The problem was that she was often busy until late hours with her work, and liked to spend her free time with her boyfriend.  
  
_“I wonder what it feels like to have someone like that.”_ Kensuke and Toji had different hobbies, so they hung out rarely outside of school. Asuka was a little overbearing and scary to be around without any witnesses. Rei didn’t seem like she wanted them to spend much more time together outside of school, so Shinji never approached her to suggest it. All of them had their own lives, and Shinji was still trying to piece together what it was that he wanted to do with his own life.  
  
The train station was within eyesight, and Shinji could already make out the figure sitting next to his usual spot. _What train does he get on? Where does he go all the time?_ Why was curiosity one of man’s most dominant traits? What is this obsession with knowing everything? Shinji sat down and dropped his school bag on the ground, much like any other time. They were stuck here again, sitting quietly for the next ten or twenty minutes, waiting for their trains to come along.  
  
“Your heart seems weary today,” The familiar figure spoke to him at last. The voice had caught Shinji by surprise, so he ended up staring at the other boy for an awkwardly long time before replying.  
  
“…Sorry?” Out of all the things he could say, why that? The other boy’s lips curved into a smile.  
“You look tired, are you feeling alright?” He clarified.  
“…Oh,” There was a slight blush on Shinji’s cheeks when he realized just what he was asking. Yet, there was no attempt to keep the conversation going after that point. This scene was going down exactly as Shinji imagined it would go down; He had absolutely nothing to offer in response.  
   
“You’re Shinji Ikari, right?” It seemed like he didn’t have to do anything himself to keep the conversation going, which was fortunate, but as a result the air had grown quite tense.  
“How do you know my name?”  
“We go to the same school. I see you sometimes, but you always manage to blend in with the crowd before I can get a hold of you.” _Yeah, that sounds about right._ Why was he approaching him now though? They had been sharing this bench for the last couple of months. There were plenty of times to start conversation then. This entire scenario seemed mildly eerie.  
  
“…Did you want to talk to me about something?” Shinji wasn’t sure what else to ask.  
“Nothing specific in particular. You looked like you were ready to talk today.” _Ready to talk?_ This was ominous on so many levels, but more so for the fact he could tell Shinji felt more open to conversation on this day than on others. It felt as if this silver haired boy had the power to look into his mind. The feeling was a little unsettling, but left Shinji curious to know more about him.  
   
“Who are you?” The question was placed rather naturally without much thought.  
“My name is Kaworu Nagisa.” He probably should have started with that, instead of some obscure expression of concern.  
“You’re an interesting person. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get to know you more.” That was one blunt way to put it. The way Kaworu smiled and expressed himself made Shinji blush a deeper shade of red. There was warmth behind those words that didn’t go by unnoticed. Shinji returned the smile nervously, but couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Kaworu. It felt embarrassing to smile like this.  
  
“You know, most people wouldn’t say that to people they just met.”  
“Does it matter when we meet or how we approach each other? I don’t find this conversation strange at all.” _Well, then you’re the only one who doesn’t find it strange_. At least, that’s what Shinji imagines he could say if he had even a sliver of Asuka’s courage. Instead, he thinks about it, and feels as if there’s a part of him that agrees with Kaworu. They weren’t complete strangers, but the fact still was that Shinji had no clue what to talk about to close the distance between stranger and friend. He tried his best not to look too disappointed as he pulled out his Walkman and decided to listen to some music. This conversation was slowly going to be dragged into a painfully silent end. Why not speed up the process? It was clear as day; making friends was harder than it looked, and required effort beyond Shinji’s capabilities. The music from his earphones must have been loud enough for Kaworu to hear, because he initiated conversation again.  
  
“So you like Bach? That’s interesting; I always thought you’d like more modern music, Shinji.” There was a mix of a frown and another light shade of pink on Shinji’s face when he heard the other boy mention his name. Did Kaworu know that saying things like that made it sound as if he was thinking of Shinji all the time? As much as Kaworu was creeping him out, a part of Shinji actually felt flattered and touched by the remark. To know he left an impression on someone and made them think about him without even talking to them was in its own way an accomplishment. Not only that, but Kaworu seemed to recognize Bach’s music quite well in order to hear it from that distance.  
   
“You like classical music too?” Shinji asks with a tone of hopefulness in his voice that he absolutely hates. It was the first time he actually found someone else who shared his interest in music. Shinji knew he sounded too eager, but he couldn’t help himself.  
“I find it very relaxing.” He leans back a bit, but keeps his eyes on Shinji. It occurred to Shinji that Kaworu had not stopped staring at him the entire time they’d been talking. Still, it was impossible to meet the other boy’s stare without feeling awkward.  
  
_This is sick, why do I like it?_  
  
Someone’s giving you attention; of course you’d like it.  
  
Does it matter? He seems nice. Why are you judging him so soon?  
  
A somewhat cool surface suddenly nudged his cheek, and when he looked up, he saw Kaworu holding a can of soda in front of him.  
“Do you want a drink? You look like you could use one.” Shinji knew it was hot out, and that he was sweating like mad, but if he took that soda from Kaworu he’d feel a small amount of guilt for accepting the gift.  
“Oh, no thanks. It’s really hot today, you might need it.” It annoyed Shinji to know that his hair most likely looked awfully messy from sleeping in class while Kaworu’s remained neat and cool. It didn’t seem like the weather bothered him at all. Their contrast in appearance and personality only made it more clear to Shinji as to why they probably wouldn’t end up friends. They just didn’t look like a good match.  
“I have another can in my bag, help yourself.” Then again, here they are, getting along casually like friends. Kaworu’s smile was infectious, which was one more reason not to stare directly at him. The moment Shinji took a hold of the can, he smiled back thankfully, and tried his best not to break eye contact. The other boy’s smiles reminded Shinji of the sun. _You should never stare directly at the sun._ Kaworu’s smile only widened when Shinji accidentally bumped into his hand. Shinji tried not to think too much about it, but his hand instinctively pulled away a little faster than usual.  
  
“Sorry, I’ll make sure to repay you,” The drink helped him cool off a little bit. It also gave him an excuse to stay silent for a while not to mess up during conversation.  
“You don’t need to repay me, but I’d really like it if you showed me around central Tokyo. That’s where you’re headed, right?”  
“It is, but don’t you usually take the train out of Tokyo?”  
“I recently moved to the center, and would like someone reliable and kind to show me around.” There were those words again. They were like triggers of some sort. Shinji’s stomach would instantly feel a strange tingling sensation whenever Kaworu used positive words to describe him. They don’t know each other well enough to share comments like those. It felt unnatural. No one has really went through these lengths to establish contact with him, and it made Shinji wonder just what Kaworu found interesting about him. Then there was a strange paranoia accompanied with the flood of positive emotions.  
  
It seemed that whatever positive thing to come out of this conversation could always be twisted into something murky and gray. However, it wouldn’t feel right to turn him down, and then take a 1 hour long train ride with him in awkward silence.  
  
“I don’t think I’d be the best guide,” It was an honest reply. He wanted to show him around, but that was admittedly for selfish reasons. Kaworu was a very nice person. Whenever a nice person made contact, Shinji tried his best to be obedient not to lose them. It was a horrible habit, but it helped bring a few good moments of happiness in his life. “I mean, I can if you want to, but I’m not an expert.” Knowing Kaworu would smile at his words, Shinji turned to look in the other direction. It was easy to predict Kaworu’s reactions now. He seemed like a very happy person, and for some reason, was very open with sharing that happiness. It didn’t help that seeing Kaworu smile instinctively made Shinji’s own lips curl into a smile as well. Two people smiling like this all alone at a train station. _It feels wrong. It feels weird._ It was as if he was purposefully trying to stop himself from having a good time.  
“I have a feeling I would really enjoy my time with you if you were my guide.”He felt that strange turn in his stomach again, but he forced himself to calm down to not focus on it.  
  
“Would tomorrow be appropriate for you?” He asked it so gently, as if not to startle Shinji. It took a while for Shinji to reply, but he agreed to it with a little waver in his voice.  
  
_This is going to be a disaster._


	2. 2:2 (Your) happiness is a melody; it sings.

The following day had been silent for the most part. Few words were spoken, but when they were, they came from Kaworu’s lips. Fortunately, the tension that was in the air before had vanished, and the conversation felt more fluid. Now that Shinji had a brief summary of what Kaworu was like, he tried his best to predict his moves not to say something too spontaneous.  
  
Despite the train being overall empty, Kaworu was still insisting on sitting close by. It hadn’t bothered Shinji before, and it doesn’t bother him now either. He’s been sitting next to Kaworu for so long now that it felt unnatural not to share some space. However, he had not really gotten used to the other boy’s staring just yet. Before they started talking to each other, Kaworu only ever occasionally glanced at him. Right now, it felt as if he was doing it all the time. Shinji’s discomfort seemed to have been shining through quite obviously, since Kaworu leaned closer to speak.  
  
“Does it bother you that I look at you?”  
“It doesn’t bother me, it just makes me nervous,” The answer was prepared. He knew he had to either say it to Kaworu himself, or wait until the moment was right.  
“Why does it make you nervous?” He couldn’t explain why.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Do you want me to stop?”  
“…” Why did he have to pose the question like that? On one hand, getting stared at was definitely not normal, but on the other, it was oddly soothing to know someone found him pleasant to look at.  
“No, I don’t mind. I just can’t return the favor,” He knew he shouldn’t have phrased it like that, but there was no other way to describe it. His feelings were muddled and his awkwardness around others was stopping him from saying what he actually wanted to say, which would have been something along the lines of _“Your staring makes me feel both strangely happy and a little embarrassed at the same time, but it’s not a bad feeling,”_  
  
“You’re doing more than enough just by sitting here with me, Shinji,” That strange feeling in his stomach had suddenly traveled up to his chest. It felt like a strange painful tug.  
“Those words shouldn’t be said to me…” He thinks he’s murmuring incoherently to himself, but he is wrong.  
“Why not?” Instead of confront the question, Shinji pulls out his Walkman and offers one earphone to Kaworu. The boy smiles and decides to forget the question for the moment. _Thank God._ Just when Shinji sighs with relief, he feels Kaworu’s hand on his own. It takes a second to process just what had happened. Kaworu was holding his hand. Not only that, but he went through the effort of inching closer until their shoulders were touching. Shinji didn’t have to look at him to know he was smiling, and in a moment of panic, he managed to drop his Walkman onto the floor of the train. Their earphones unluckily got pulled off as a result to the fall.  
  
“S-sorry-“ He couldn’t help but to laugh lightly. Everything was going absolutely terribly. So terribly that Shinji barely noticed Kaworu’s hand was still holding onto his even tighter now, while the other was picking up the Walkman.  
“Why are you laughing?”  
“I’m not like this, I promise.” _I don’t smile often, I don’t laugh often, I don’t talk to people often, I don’t offer them anything, I try not to get myself involved. I’m really bad at making friends. I’m also really bad at understanding your affection. I’m not sure how to react, and I panic. I’m sorry._  
  
“I’m not following,” _Why has he still not let go of my hand?_ As if Kaworu heard him, he intertwined their fingers, and took a solid grip of Shinji’s palm. The feeling from before had only returned in a more dominant fashion. The sensation was warm, but was almost instantly replaced by something else.  
  
“Is this making you uncomfortable?” _I don’t know_. Shinji looks away and tries to come up with a response, as well as a polite way to ask him why he was holding onto his hand without making it seem like he wanted him to let go. The feeling he was trying to analyze wasn’t one that resembled butterflies but rather that of a heavy burden placed directly on his chest. Why was it so hard to enjoy a nice moment like this? Since no words seemed to come out of his lips, he gently shook his head and kept his eyes focused on the window. This touch was kind, it was warm. It felt as if his hand was meant to be there, as if it fit perfectly with his. _No, it doesn’t bother me._  


* * *

  
  
“Do you play any instruments, Shinji?” They had been walking around for a bit now, with Shinji explaining near to nothing about the familiar streets of Tokyo. Everything looked the same in his eyes. Tall skyscrapers, long drawn-out walks, and empty streets that reminded him of every horror movie he had the misfortune of watching.  
“Why do you ask?”  
“I play the piano. I was just curious if we shared a hobby.”  
“I can play the cello, but I’m not really good at it.”  
“Are you sure?” Kaworu stopped in his tracks and reached out to Shinji. “May I see your hand?” Shinji cocked his head to the side, glancing curiously at Kaworu. Without really knowing why, he allowed Kaworu to take a hold of his hand. The other boy stepped closer and appeared to be examining him in silence. After that strange scene in the train, Shinji was far from embarrassed about Kaworu touching him again. At least this time around, the pale teen had a reason to touch him. The element of surprise was also lost when Kaworu asked for his permission. Oddly, it didn’t feel that strange to be holding hands this time around.  
“It’s hard for me to imagine these slender fingers not playing a cello well. You seem to have developed a musician’s hands.” Shinji looked to the side and pulled his hand away. _Great, now we’re back to weird._  
“Would you like to duet with me?” _A duet?_  
“I think I’d just slow you down.” Kaworu started to walk again, and Shinji followed him rather than the other way around.  
“Are you familiar with Blumenlied?”  
“You mean that symphony nobody can play in the right tempo?” Kaworu chuckled at the remark. Shinji felt as if he went a little too far with the joke. He didn’t want to imply nobody could play it in the right tempo, or that he was the only one that could. Acting high and mighty wasn’t an impression he wanted to give off, but luckily, it seemed as if Kaworu had taken the joke quite well.  
  
“I know what you mean. That melody is supposed to be played slowly, but it’s almost always played in a different rhythm. If you want, we could duet Blumenlied,” That sounded tempting, but Shinji was almost certain he would somehow manage to ruin the performance.  
“Blumenlied is a wonderful song that has a breathtaking beginning and ending, with a very chaotic middle. I think it symbolizes relationships quite well.”  
“A song of flowers symbolizes relationships well?”  
“You can hear the sound flow like a small river, so gentle and clear. Halfway into the melody, it feels like we’re falling down a waterfall, but it takes us on a journey and guides us down safely. The feeling resembles that of a relationship to me.” Something in Kaworu’s explanation made Shinji smile softly. It was a small smile, but it was genuine. Kaworu probably didn’t intend for it to come down to this, but the boy managed to give Shinji the courage to accept his offer. It was a new feeling, but a very nice one.  
“If you like it that much, it would be rude of me to say no.”  
“I feel like it would let us get to know each other better.”  
“Alright, then let’s do it.” Kaworu gently placed his hand on Shinji’s shoulder.  
“I like that eagerness in your voice. It suits you.” It was clear as daylight that Kaworu didn’t know or didn’t care at all about personal space, but Shinji had long gotten adjusted to the feeling of always expecting the unexpected touches. Right now, the touches had stopped startling him, and the fear he felt before was replaced with a wave of calmness. He tried his best not to look away from Kaworu’s smile, but he couldn’t help himself. It felt unnatural to smile back so freely, especially since he wasn’t quite sure why he was smiling.    


* * *

  
  
The music club at their school often had practice instruments there to cater to members who couldn’t afford them. Kaworu had taken the freedom to ask the members if he could borrow their room after practice, and after a good while of convincing, he was allowed the key into the room as long as he returned it the very next day. Shinji waited for him outside the room once his classes had finished for the day. It was one of the few times Shinji was excited to wait for someone. It felt surreal to stand there by choice. When he moved in with Misato, he barely had a say in the matter, even though Misato never forced him to stay with her. She had said (on multiple occasions) that he was free to leave whenever he wanted. A part of Shinji really admired Misato, despite setting a bad example on how to keep a house clean. She was confident, beautiful, and had an interesting personality. Kaworu resembled her in a way; confident, beautiful, interesting. It was strange to refer to Kaworu as beautiful, and as soon as he caught himself thinking words like those, he leaned against the wall and furrowed his brows. If he even dared say that out loud, he was sure he would be mocked. _No, that would be over exaggerating_. Shinji was sure Kaworu would just smile at him like he always does. That somehow made him even more nervous. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard footsteps coming his way.  
  
“Hello, Shinji, glad to see you could make it. Are you ready?”  
“Yes, but I feel like you’re getting your hopes up too high.” He was still not convinced he was going to play Blumenlied flawlessly, and despite what he said about the tempo, he was sure he was going to mess up the tempo himself.  
“Have more faith in yourself,” Kaworu unlocked the door and gave Shinji’s shoulder a reassuring pat. That was a touch Shinji knew he actually wished would have lasted longer.  
“We have thirty minutes before we need to head to the train station and catch our train.” _Our train_. The fact they now shared a lot of school time together, as well as train rides made Shinji’s heart warm. Things he usually considered only his had become things he could share with another person. The sharing wasn’t exactly a new thing, he shared a lot of things with Misato, but this felt different. Asuka and Rei were also good classmates of his, but Asuka always tried to start a competition, and Rei never shared much about herself. Perhaps there was something about finding someone his own age with similar interests that made the company more enjoyable.  
  
The sun was slowly setting, and bathed the room in a violet glow. The black lustrous piano stood next to the open window, and the Cello was located near the violins. While Kaworu was playing warm-up practices on the piano, Shinji took the time to tune the cello to his liking. They spent a few minutes in silence, not exactly making music, but enjoying the company of setting up their equipment and training. Just when it seemed as they were ready to start, Kaworu gazed over in Shinji’s direction with a curious look on his face.  
  
“Why are you sitting so far away?”  
“I didn’t want to disturb you, so I thought I’d sit here.”  
“You won’t disturb me. Come, sit closer.” Kaworu had a smile it was hard to say no to, so Shinji picked up the chair he was sitting on and dragged it closer.  
“Won’t playing close to each other be distracting?” There was a different reason to why Shinji didn’t want to sit so close to Kaworu. It felt like he was going to have trouble focusing on playing the cello and spend more time looking at Kaworu play the piano.  
“I don’t think so, but if you don’t feel comfortable with it, you can always move the chair back a little.” Shinji nodded, and on that note, they began playing Blumenlied.  
  
The first few notes fell lightly like small droplets of rain. Shinji paid heavy attention to what Kaworu played, and moved the bow over the strings gently to the flow of the melody. Kaworu was playing in the correct tempo, and he seemed to have perfected the transition from slow-paced and gentle to heavy and chaotic. During the point it seemed as if the melody was going to fade out, Kaworu played more roughly. When they got halfway into the Melody, Shinji closed his eyes, and tried to focus all his attention on pulling the right strings. Kaworu never played out of synch with Shinji; the music was flowing perfectly and practically echoed through the room. It felt as if they were doing more than playing the melody In synch, it felt as if they were breathing in synch as well; as if their emotions lined up perfectly with each other’s and danced to the tune. Shinji’s hands moved something similar to a hummingbird’s wings, they were gracious, quick, and precise. Kaworu’s moved with elegance and care, as if he was careful not to harm the keys on the piano.  
  
Their duet resembled something half-sad and half-vivid, a line of notes suggesting death and rebirth at the same time; a tune that could be remembered during times of sadness, but also during times of ease. The small vibrations coming from Shinji’s cello seemed to flow through Kaworu’s heart and guide his hands through the keys on the piano. Similarly, Kaworu’s talent and emotions seemed to flow through Shinji, and their cooperation brought forth one of the most satisfying ends to a composition like Blumenlied.  
  
When they finished, Shinji breathed in and exhaled. It felt as if he was holding his breath during their entire performance. He looked up at Kaworu, and the boy seemed to be just as exhausted and satisfied with their play.  
  
“That was wonderful, Shinji,” For once, Kaworu wasn’t looking at him. Kaworu was looking down on the piano, gently stroking the keys with eagerness in his touch, as if he was not ready to leave the room just yet.  
“Do you want to play something else with me?” While Shinji’s first impulse was to say “yes” he feared that his hands were shaking too much to keep playing. He noticed that both he and Kaworu had unintentionally lingered on a note for too long in the melody, and he wasn’t sure whether this was his fault or Kaworu’s or if they simply worked so well they both made the same hitch in the performance. Despite this, the fact they stayed in tune with each other made the duet as exciting as it was.  
“Sure,” It was the only thing he could say after realizing he took too long to answer.  
“You can pick this time.” Shinji smiled at those words.  
“How about the Moonlight Sonata? Do you know how to play it?” Kaworu shook his head.  
“Unfortunately, no.”  
“Hmm, How about Prelude by Bach?” Kaworu returned his smile.  
“That sounds like a lovely idea.”  
  
They got caught up in the music, the laughter and the excitement of sharing something this intimately that they lost track of time. The Janitor had heard them play and informed them everyone had almost left the school premises. The two quickly put everything back in order and headed down to the train station. It wasn’t pitch-black out just yet, but a marine blue tint was starting to color the sky as they ran to catch the train. They missed it by a hair, and were now stuck in place for 30 minutes until the next one arrived.  
  
The sundown caused a chilly breeze to sweep through the station. The only noise to fill the silence was that of leaves rustling in the wind, and their heavy breathing from their long run. Shinji went to take a seat and dropped his bag on the ground.  
  
“…Could we do that again sometime?” Shinji looked up at Kaworu who was still trying to catch his breath.  
“Run until our lungs collapse?” Kaworu chuckled, although it came out more as a dry cough. Shinji was concerned for Kaworu’s wellbeing, but couldn’t help to laugh a little bit at his remark.  
“I don’t care if I have to spend all night here waiting for another train every time. It’d be worth it as long as we play together like that again.” Kaworu took a seat next to Shinji rather clumsily and breathed out deeply. It was nice to see that Kaworu’s otherwise pale cheeks had some color on them from their little race.  
“I agree. I’ll check with the members of the music club. Maybe if they see how reliable we are, they’ll let us use the room more often,” His eyes looked up at the clear skies. “If not, we can always sneak in.”  
“Kaworu,” Shinji retorted almost as if to scold him.  
“I’m joking.” He turned to look over at his duet partner. “You played beautifully today.”  
“Another joke?” Kaworu’s hand gently touched Shinji’s shoulder. It was as if the other boy read his mind before they decided to head into the music club. His hand lingered there longer than before.  
“No. You were really wonderful.” Comments like those only made Shinji’s cheeks redder. What do you reply with in a moment like this?  
  
“I think you’re wonderful too,“ It couldn’t be that. Anything but that. Kaworu said he played wonderfully, not that he was wonderful. _Wait, was that really what he said?_ It was difficult to tell, but in the context it was said, Shinji assumed he misunderstood the sentence. The misunderstanding had forced Shinji to remain quiet out of embarrassment. That feeling seemed to show itself a lot more recently for whatever reason. Why was he feeling shame out of all things around Kaworu? Was there a subconscious urge in him that wanted to impress others? Or was it just Kaworu that he wanted to impress?    
“I’m really happy to hear you say that, Shinji.” Kaworu squeezed his shoulder lightly, and allowed his hand to slide down Shinji’s arm until it was placed atop his hand. The feeling had returned again, and this time, it felt much easier to handle. The small touches of kindness and appreciation had been so foreign that he tried to reject them, but now he found himself craving them more and more.  
“Are you sure this doesn’t bother you?”  
“I’m sure,” Shinji leaned back and closed his eyes. There was more confidence in his voice now that he knew what he was feeling and why he was smiling all the time. This strange sensation he couldn’t recognize at first- it finally made sense.  
  
Happiness.  
  
The touch of Kaworu’s hand sent a strong heat through his entire body, warming him from the inside out. The closest Shinji had gotten to affection of this kind was from his own mother and from Misato, but never from another boy. The feeling was distinct in its own way. Kaworu’s hand had a specific touch to it. It wasn’t in the texture, or the length of his fingers, but in the softness and tenderness which he used to make others feel secure and happy.  
“I’m glad I met you, Shinji Ikari,” It was also in the tone of his voice. It felt caring. Loving.  
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now,” Kaworu looked serious for a moment, and collected his thoughts before posing the question.  
“Would you like to visit my apartment sometime? I may not decorate it much, but I live alone, so we won’t be interrupted during our studies. What do you say?” When he felt something press against his shoulder, he turned and found that Shinji had dozed off somewhere during their conversation. Kaworu sighed and leaned his own head against Shinji’s.  
“This is fine too.” That familiar signature smile returned to his lips. “I’ll ask you again some other time.” The moment would have been perfect had a strange buzzing noise not interrupted them five or ten minutes later. The noise seemed to come from a phone in Shinji’s pocket. The device was set to vibrate, probably so it would not disturb the teachers or students in case of an emergency.  
  
Kaworu gently reached into Shinji’s pocket and brought the phone out. The name displayed on the caller said “Mitato” and he chose to answer it in Shinji’s stead. The person on the other line had started yelling incoherent things before he got a word in edgewise. Kaworu could make out only a few of the word.  Some of them were insults, but they were shouted with concern. Something along the lines of “Shinji you idiot!-“ and “Why haven’t you called me, I’ve been sitting at home worried sick about you!”. He allowed her to yell until she tired herself out so he could speak with clarity in his voice.  
  
“Hello, who is this?” That seemed to have startled the woman on the other line; obviously she was expecting Shinji’s apologetic voice to greet her, and not a stranger.  
“Wha? I should be asking you that. This phone doesn’t belong to you. Where’s Shinji?”  
“He’s safe with me. I’m sorry, I’m the reason he’s late home today. We lost track of time and missed our train. We’re currently waiting for the next one.”  
“Why didn’t Shinji pick up the phone?”  
“He’s sleeping.”  
“S…Sleeping?” Misato furrowed her brows, displeased with the answer. “Is he alright?”  
“Yes. We had a rough day, and he happened to fall asleep just now. I’ll wake him up and bring him home as soon as our train arrives. We should be there in an hour or two, sorry for the inconvenience, miss Mitato.”  
“…Miss Mi-what?” They spent some more time on the phone up until Kaworu heard their train pull in. He woke Shinji up around the same time he finished talking to Misato. At least the woman was less concerned for Shinji’s wellbeing after hearing him stutter out a weak “What? Why are we still at the train station?” prior to hanging up. Now that they were both on the train back home, and Shinji was awake, Kaworu informed him of who called and why. All Shinji could do was smile at the end of the story.  
  
“Did you really call her Mitato?” Shinji’s smile widened into a grin.  
“Yes. I don’t understand though. Why did she sound confused?”  
“Because her name isn’t Mitato, it’s Misato. I wanted to change her full name just to Misato after I got to know her better but I ended up spelling it wrong. It became a hybrid between Misato and Potato, and I thought it was funny so I kept it.”  
“I see. That makes sense.” Shinji wondered to himself what he would nickname Kaworu if he had his phone number. Was this a good time to ask him for his? It felt easier to propose ideas and start conversation now. He wasn’t sure why, but why not go through with it if he had the courage to?  
“I wish I had been awake to hear it. What did you two talk about for so long?”  
“You.” He said it so casually too. Kaworu had expected Shinji to gain that pink tint to his cheeks, but the other boy didn’t seem to be as sheepish as before.  
“Me?”  
“You’re a very special person to her. I can tell she cares a lot about you.”  
“Yeah… People like that are hard to find.” Shinji was perfectly set on ending the conversation right there, but the question he wanted to pose kept gnawing at him- begging to be let out. _Just ask him._  
“Could I have your phone number?”  
“Of course.” Kaworu pulled out his own phone and they exchanged numbers. Kaworu had initially planned on asking for Shinji’s phone number much earlier but he simply never got around to it.  
“I wonder if you’ll allow me to give you this nickname.” Shinji took his eyes off his own phone and leaned closer to read what was on Kaworu’s.  
  
_Duet Partner._  
  
“…That…” He flushed red. “That’s not what I imagined it would say.”  
“Is that a bad thing?”  
“No, it’s actually a very good nickname. Do you mind if I use the same one for you?”  
“Not at all.” He couldn’t remember a time where he felt this overwhelmingly happy. The last memory he had that even came remotely close was when Misato invited the people she worked with and a few of his classmates over for a game of Karaoke. While that was fun in its own way, it wasn’t as intimate as this moment felt. The two were great memories, but they couldn’t be compared side by side fairly.  
  
“Can I ask you one more favor?”  
“Yes. What’s on your mind?”  
_Could you be my bodyguard? I’m going to need one by the time I get home._


End file.
